A Rather Disoriented Lilykins
by XXmarylandis4whoresXX
Summary: Lily is rather...disoriented! Read as Lily decribes some of her 6th and 7th year at Hogwarts with love, hate, drama, friends, family, and sugar highs. I'm really bad at summaries and this is my first fanfic. Be nice! LJ.R&R!
1. Remipoo and a parasite

Well, Tracy was absolutely desolate about the break up (HA. I love sarcasm). I mean, she was sad for 3 seconds (EH GAD SUPER DOG!), an astounding change compared to the normal 2-second attention span everyone has come to know and love (or hate…cough cough). 

_Flashback __  
__"O.M.G. Lily! It's like, sooooooo good to see you. Like, all summer I was like totally wondering whether you've broken up with Remus. Cuz ya know…it's be like…GOING AROUND," Tracy asked, flipping her fake blonde hair in the most annoying way possible. "Yeah we broke up over Christmas break," I replied, brushing her off. Don't look at me like that! I wasn't being rude…I was hungry. Lord I could go for a banana right now. __  
__"Like…what?" Tracy asked stupidly. Opps! I forgot to use 'like' and 'totally' in my sentence. She must be so lost… __  
__"Whoops fake giggle, I mean…I like totally ended it with Remi-poo during the summer, I mean he was being like…CLINGY" I said, eyes wide and voice high pitched. Tracy's overly plucked and partially drawn-on eyebrows then proceeded to shoot up her EXTREMELY large forehead. __  
__"No!" she exclaimed, her extremely fake blue (colored contacts) eyes sparkling with that evil glint one gets from gossiping. __  
"Kidding! God! It__ was mutual," I explained exasperatedly, trying to leave. Conversations with someone who's got an IQ of –5 can only be so interesting. Tracy gave me one of those looks that says 'what the hell does mutual mean?' __  
__Me, playing the role of the very nice and patient 2nd grade teacher explaining to the student that YES, 2 plus 2 DOES in fact equal four, said (very calmly) "WE BOTH WANTED TO BREAK UP." __  
__"You like, seriously broke-up with REMUS? I always knew there was something wrong with you," she said, giving me a look of disgust and mumbling under her breath "Stupid lezzie." EXCUSAMUA BITCH! I smacked her. Teehee. It's a very nice mark…I have gorgeous hands… __  
__Anyways… __  
__Apparently there's this rule at Hogwarts that you must worship the Marauders (excluding Peter because…well it's self-explanatory) and if you're going out with one of them, you can NEVER be the one to call it quits. __  
__Obviously I've broken the code and must be beaten and HUNG. HURRAY! _

_End of Flashback_

In all honesty, I thought no one would notice if we broke up. We were a little "power couple" at Hogwarts for a while, but I mean we were just destined to be friends. Best friends, yes. Best friends that look adorable together and that are on the same IQ level and of the opposite gender. But **just friends**. People seem to have a hard time grasping that concept. It's NOT THAT HARD PEOPLE. Everyone had always thought Remus and I would get married. What's wrong with the world today? We're only in 6th year for spaghetti's sake. Stupid fantasizing hormonal teenagers…

…

I have this problem. Well, it's not really a problem, more like an annoying parasite with messy hair.

And no it's not Amos.

His hair is _sexy _like that.

While said parasite's hair is most definitely _not_.

Well, in my opinion anyway, although the larger percentage of females at Hogwarts would probably disagree with me. Disagree with me enough so that they'd disembowel me. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm talking about James ruffle-his-hair-every-5-seconds Potter. You know he didn't really even know I existed until Remus started going out with me? Wouldn't give me the bloody time of day. Now look at him. Whenever he catches me "staring lovingly" (as he calls it) at Amos Diggory, he has a hissy fit. He's possessive. And he calls me Evans. Not Lily, not even Lillian, but EVANS. Ick!

"Oi, Evans!"

"Crap, who are you again?"

"Why, the infamous James Potter love! Will you go out with me?"

"That's the fifth time you've asked me that, and my answer is still 'go rot in a hole you filthy man whore.'"

"Fine Evans," the rejected James Potter sighed, sulking off into the distance. "Wow, five a day, and all before lunch. Lily, you should be flattered," commented Bella. Bella was your typical pretty-girl Marauder-worshipper. Loved the girl to death but to like one of _them_ (excluding Remus) was totally beyond comprehension. "Shut up Bella. You know he's just doing this to annoy me. He doesn't even know my first name!"

…

"What's her name again?" James whispered, pointing (in what he thought was a subtle manner) towards me from about a yard down the house table in the great hall.

"Lily Evans..." Remus said quietly, shaking his head. "Honestly James, if you want the girl to go out with you, at least learn her name. She was my girlfriend for 3 months!"

"Moony, names aren't important. We just ask the girl out, have a lovely snog, and it's all good and done. No names necessary," explained Sirius, grinning goofily. I looked at Bella and Charlie, rolling my eyes dramatically. They shook their heads sadly before turning back their massive amounts of food.

Men…

…

I was lying face up, staring at that stupid ceiling fan. It was going around and around and around…

"Soo…Lillers-" started Charlie, sitting down on my bed next to me.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

"-What's with the PMS-ness?" she finished.

"Yeah Lily, I haven't seen you this upset since you found out Elton Waple was gay," Bella added in, joining me and Charlie on my bed, "Broke your poor little heart it did…wait, IS AMOS DIGGORY GAY!"

"NO! GOD NO! It's _Potter,_" I spat out the last word with contempt. "Oh, _that's_ all. Well Lily we all _knew_ Potter was gay, I mean he and Sirius…wait, why would you be upset over Potter's homosexuality. Are you jealous? Eh? EH!" she said mischievously, nudging my side.

"Shut up Bella."

"I love you too Lily."

…


	2. Good ole pothead

"JAMES! Give it a rest," I cried, clamping my hands over my ears to annoy the oh-so-annoying-wine of James Potter. "But Evans!" he exclaimed, rumpling his hair (gag) "I wont see you for another THREE MONTHS! I think I might die of separation anxiety!" he dramatically clutched his heart, grinning. Remus chuckled and I turned to him. "You think this," I gestured to James, who was now singing the 'Lily' song "is funny!"

_Oooooh Lily, with her hair so shiny and bright_

_Please forgive me for stalking you that night!_

_And the way you yell at me in class, _

_I don't ever mind if you'd kick my-_

"WE'RE HERE!" Bella squealed excitedly, cutting of James's…'singing' (although I doubt you could justify SCREAMING at the top of you lungs as singing).

"Uh…great," I sighed to myself. I wasn't looking forward to seeing Petunia, and I'm sure as hell she didn't want to see me. "Don't worry Lily, you're going to be staying at my house for almost half the summer," Charlie comforted quietly so that the others couldn't hear. I grinned and looked up.

THAT perked me up considerably. I mean imagine Bella, Charlie, and I all in one vicinity that isn't a school.

MUAHAHAHAHA.

Oh the possibilities…

When I got back from my little evil thoughts, I realized that everyone was staring at me as I giggled manically.

Shit.

"What? You've never seen a girl imagine shooting James Potter before?" I asked innocently.

"Huh?" asked Bella.

"Wait what?" asked Peter.

"What's shooting?" asked Sirius.

"Did I hear something about Evans imagining about me?" James asked, grinning.

"Shooting, it's a muggle thing right? With the guns and stuff?" Remus asked.

Charlie just started laughing hysterically. At least SHE got it.

"Oh come off it, didn't you guys pay attention in muggle studies?" I exclaimed.

"NO!" cried James, Sirius, Peter, and Bella. I groaned.

"Dears, I suggest you get off the train," said the plump trolley lady. "We were just leaving," James said, smiling charmingly. She smiled back. "Such a nice boy," she said to herself, walking down the hall.

Once we were outside, everyone else was quickly gone, shouting goodbyes and what not as they left. Potter and I, however, couldn't find our parents anywhere.

Yippee.

Stuck with good ole' pot head.

"Maybe they're waiting outside the wall…" he suggested. Seeming as that was the only area we hadn't checked, I begrudgingly admitted he was right. As we walked, he talked (HEY A RHYME).

"So why wouldn't you go out with me?" he asked. I laughed.

HA

"I'm being serious," he said. "God I'd hope not, I mean who'd want to be _Sirius_?" I asked, chuckling. "It wasn't funny the first time I heard that joke, and it's not funny the billionth time," he grumbled, still looking at me to answer his question. We walked through the wall as I began to answer. "Fine! Because-" "Lillian! Oh my dear I missed you so much!" my mother cried, smothering me. James crossed his arms; clearly annoyed he hadn't gotten an answer. I broke off and saw a lovely woman with brown hair and warm hazel eyes looking down at me. "So this is Lily? Your mom has told me so much about you," she exclaimed. Those eyes looked a lot like…

Uh oh

"Mum?" James asked, coming out form behind me. "Hello James!" she smiled, embracing him. Me, being as poised as ever, opened my mouth ever so slightly so that I resembled a codfish.

Awkward…

Seriously

Crickets chirping

Chirp

Chirp

"Well we'd best be off," my dad said hastily, walking away with my trunk and owl in tow. "Alright dear," my mother called out as he turned to leave, "Oh and Jane, don't forget!" she said, turning the James's mom. "I wont Susan, see you later," she smiled, waving at me. I cocked my eyebrow up questioningly, but my mother ignored it.

Better not to ask questions with that one…

James gave me one last smirk before turning and leaving with his mother, leaving me with…the thing.

"Lily darling, your hair is awful! Didn't you use the conditioner I sent you? And your sweater had a stain! Have you been eating chocolate frogs again? My dear you cant risk all that extra sugar, not with the ball coming up so-"

I looked around frantically and looked for ways to escape.

"HEY DAD, YOU NEED ANY HELP?"

I called loudly. Of course he'd already packed all the bags but my purse.

"No thanks honey, I got it."

Damn him.

"Lillian! Are you listening to me? Your ball dress is-"

It had begun.


	3. Something shiny

Why?

People enjoy this torture don't they?

I bet some great celestial being up there is taking great enjoyment in my pain and suffering.

"Lily! Lily, come here!" my mother demanded impatiently. I was embarrassed to be seen with this woman. Decked out in a white summer business suit with a large, frivolous and flowery hat to match (think horse race from 'my fair lady'), my mother had taken me to this "darling little boutique" in London to find a dress for the Manderbury's annual summer celebration. The shop was small but filled with so many dresses it was full to bursting. Everything was overpriced, and everything was frilly.

Sadly, my mother is one of those tea party loving, opera house attending, ultra feminine women. As such, she loves shopping here. Now, because I absolutely loathe shopping and am currently dressed in jeans and a baggy black t-shirt, I am (in her eyes) up for eternal damnation.

"Lily at least TRY to find a dress. The ball is TOMORROW and it's very important you look up to your social status and…"

Blah blah blah

SHE NEVER SHUTS UP

I'm ashamed to be her daughter.

I'm going to start denying our relation soon.

"How about this dress?" she suggested, holding up a (actually rather pretty) blue dress. But, since it was my mother's pick, I must and will hate it.

…

What?

It's in the guidelines you know.

And besides, I'm supposed to pick it out, not her!

Just as I open my mouth to reject it, something shiny catches my eyes. Running over to the other side of the store, I pull out this rather hideous looking purple dress that's covered with sequins.

Damn shiny objects. Sigh of disappointment

Well that was a real self-esteem booster; I can find dresses WORSE than my mom can.

Yippee!

As I turned, another dress nearby caught my attention. Yanking it off from the rack I caught sight of a darling dress. It was white and smooth, knee length with a little silver tulle peeking out from beneath the hemline. It flared out slightly at the waist and was decorated with a wide silver cinch belt.

"Would you like to try that on dearie?" asked a seemingly darling plump, gray haired old lady. Seemingly being key word. I know for a fact she's more gossipy and conniving than Tracy.

Evil

EVIL!

But I do want to try on the dress…

"Let me find some matching shoes and jewelry first. Thanks though!" I smiled ditzily. My mother, seeing this, came running over. "What'd you find honey?" she squealed eagerly, examining the dress. She looked extremely proud. "I always knew you were a shopper at heart sweetie!" she declared, tearing up.

Aw c'mon

Give me a break.

I mean the only reason I saw was because it was next to something shiny.

Ah well.

I'll bask in the glory while I can.

Basking

…

After finding strappy silver heels and a necklace of large silver beads that reached down to my belly button it was so long, I tried on the dress. Finding it a perfect fit, my mom declared me a genius.

I win.

BWAHAHAHA.

Because of this outfit I'm might actually enjoy this party.

MIGHT being the key word.

Unless one of my Hogwarts cronies decides to stop by, I'm probably doomed to boredom and Freddy Manderbury as my substitute Potter (only even Potter isn't as bad a Freddy). The boy is so full of it, you just want to smack him before he even opens his mouth to say something and watch him squeal like a girl.

Not that I know that's what his reaction would be…

I've never slapped anyone before.

It's just Lily Evans, your typical docile redhead…

Don't look at me like that!


	4. Damn that wit

Well I'm ready for the ball. I feel all pretty. It's a rather nice feeling I'll have you know. Maybe, just this once I'll act girly. I'll flirt unnecessarily and act like a ditz. I mean, what do I have to loose?

I'm already wearing a **_dress _**and**_ makeup_**.

It's a very pretty dress though, and I do kind of like the makeup…

Oh dear Lord! My moral is slowly fading!

Oh well, it's not like I had any moral to begin with. Plus, I mean it's not like my reputation will be ruined, no one from Hogwarts is here!

Anyways, I'm all spiffed up. I put on metallic eye shadow and my hairs all loose and wavy and bouncy-like.

AH! We're here!

I'm SO excited!

…

(5 minutes later)

I hate parties.

Absolutely **_loathe_** them.

Whoever invented parties needs to **_die_**. Die a horrible rotting death of doom! As soon as I walked through the door, my mother went and pranced on over with Freddy. Now I'm stuck listening to some cocky oaf brag about his polo skills. And I don't even LIKE polo.

Damn her.

"Oh Liiillllllyyyy!" my mother called in a sickly sweet voice; you know the one where she's trying to impress the public with her ultimate affection for her daughter.

HA. Affection.

Right…

"Lily," she started as I approached her, trying to plaster on a fake smile, "You remember Mrs. Potter do you not? And her son James?" She stepped aside to reveal said two, the former standing there happily amused at my shock, the latter looking just as put off as me. I stop mid-smile, making me look like a constipated cow.

A **_well dressed_** constipated cow mind you.

Anyways, apart from that…

"Hello, I had no idea you were acquainted with the Manderburys," I greeted politely. "Oh no dear! I invited them!" my mother exclaimed happily. "Oh, wonderful!" I smiled. It was here that the awkward silence took place…

…

…

…

Maybe I can go back to Freddy now…

Wait, what am I saying? Potter or Freddy…

Such a hard choice…

HA! Yeah right.

"Lily dear, you wouldn't mind accompanying James for a bit would you?" dear old mumsey asked sweetly, breaking the tension. "Of course not mother dearest," I replied happily, grabbing James's hand and pulling him off behind the nearest potted bush. "I LOVE you!" I squealed (once we were behind the potted bush of course), "You just saved me from another three hours of hell! I LOVE you!" I have him a hug and he stiffened up. Poor boy, probably shocking the living daylights out of him. "Wow Evans, if I'd known that all it took was attending some lame-ass ball for you to go out with me, I would've done this years ago," he said, giving his famous lopsided grin and ruffling his hair as we broke apart. I laughed. Usually James'd be dead right now but he's my excuse for avoiding Freddy, so he's in the clear. "Just don't let it inflate your head too much, Lord knows it's already big enough," I warned him as we stepped out from behind the pot. Several old ladies nearby glanced at us disapprovingly.

"Nothing to see ladies, nothing to see," James said charmingly before taking my hand and bending on his knees. "Lily, would you favor me with a dance?" he asked, gesturing towards the dance floor where most of the crowd was assembled (seeing as everything else at the party was boring as hell). I rolled my eyes. "Only after I get one of those brownies over there, they looked damn good," I insisted, leading him towards the snack table.

"Fine, but I get two dances then!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"One!"

"Two!"

"Three!"

"Five!"

"Well Lily, if you're sure…" James grinned, having outwitted me. I glared at him.

Damn that wit.


	5. Chilvary is dead

Damn.

James is a REALLY good dancer. I mean I though I was decent but he's just…like…. a ninja or something. We should all be thankful he's not an assassin with these skills.

…

I'm being serious.

"How many more dances?" I whined as we waltzed on the marble dance floor. My feet felt like they were bleeding and it was about time for me to "accidentally" spill punch on Petunia, who was currently performing pornographic displays of affection on that fat guy. I think his name is Vernon. Actually…I think he's her finance.

HA.

"Evans, stop whining! Just one more okay?" Potter asked, laughing. I silently wished the song to end.

C'mon…

Hurry...

AW JESUS JUST BE OVER ALREADY!

Yes! It's over!

Then I realized the band had taken up a slow song.

Damnit.

I looked up at James, who was grinning wildly. I rolled my eyes. "Might as well get it over with, c'mon you wanker," I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder and putting my arms around his neck. I heard his breath catch and felt his body tense up, but he visibly relaxed after a bit and rested his chin atop my head and placed his hands on my hips.

Normally, we would've been arms length apart, awkwardly swaying to the music.

Then again, if these were normal circumstances I would've hexed Potter into oblivion and screamed bloody murder if he asked me to dance. If I was ever to be caught dancing with James, I would think it would be cold, clammy, and awkward. The stench of body odor would fill the air, and I would probably be crying in shame.

But this was different. I wasn't crying, James wasn't sweating (hopefully), and I felt warm, safe, and complete. I could stay like this forever.

………………

The music changed and I realized where I was.

Potter's arms.

Shit.

I jumped back. "Okay, that's quite enough of that!" I exclaimed, cheeks flushing. He grinned but didn't say anything. Damn him. I blushed even more.

Gah!

"Want to go outside?" I asked, gesturing towards the lantern-lit field and pond outside the archways. He gave that adorable-I, I mean… obnoxious grin of his and took my arm.

…

Strolling along the walkway, I was suddenly hit with a stroke of brilliance. "Hey Potter, fancy a bit of flying?" I asked eagerly, stopping our walk abruptly. "Lily, we don't have any brooms…and you're in a skirt…" he pointed out.

HA. Silly man, like I didn't already think of that…

Well, really I hadn't but I _was_ wearing shorts underneath my dress. I mean it's just bloody uncomfortable not to because your legs are all exposed and-

Ok off topic.

Stop laughing!

Short-under-dress-wearing is a very serious subject. I mean someone could DIE from not wearing shorts under their dress!

…

No I don't know how! Just…ah screw it.

" Well, Mr. Potter-kill-joy, have you never summoned an object before?" I asked cheekily before pulling my wand out of my silver hand bag (I like to keep it with me ok?) and saying "_Accio Nimbus 1000._"

5 minutes later, it still hadn't come, but I accounted that to the seemingly long distance it had to travel.

"What now Miss I-think-I-know-everything-Evans?" he smirked.

Psh.

Wise ass.

"Hold on, just one more minute…" I said, looking around in the sky for my shiny broom (Bella charmed it a shimmering green when she gave it to me back in third year).

C'mon…

Hurry up!

_THUNK_

Potter lay face down on the manicured lawn, my broom whooshing obnoxiously over his unmoving body and into my waiting hand.

"All I can say Potter is HA," I laughed before mounting and hovering a bit.

I heard him grumble something along the lines of "damn sparkly broom…" until he noticed that I was indeed straddling the broom in a dress. "Erm…Evans?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "I'm wearing shorts underneath you pervert!" I said, smacking him upside the head before racing down the field into the dark.

"Oy, where are you going?" he called out.

"Cant let muggles see me now can I?" I replied, zipping around happily.

Several minutes later I heard Potter join me on his broom.

"Are you alright Evans? Do you think you're going to fall?" he asked apprehensively in the dark.

"What?" I asked, turning around sharply. "Careful!" he cried.

I HATE men like him. Chivalry is dead.

Him merely _thinking_ to be worried about me falling off a broom is utterly ridiculous because:

When did Potter ever give a blueberry muffin about my safety? Once he even pushed me _off_ a broom!

That time with Peter was an accident! Stupid kid probably had rolls of fat in front of his eyes or something…

DOES POTHEAD NOT REALIZE I AM ONE OF THE BEST FLYERS AT HOGWARTS (the only reason I'm not on the team is because it conflicts with my schoolwork and the fact Sirius whistles rather suggestively whenever I get on the bloody broom)? I am invincible. Pshaw bitch.

"As if I didn't get enough of that whole 'GET OFF THE BROOM BEFORE YOU BLASPHEMISE BY BREAKING A NAIL,' from my psychotic mother, Potter," I huffed angrily, crossing my arms and glaring. "Aww but Lily, I can't let my flower get smooshed!" he protested.

I rolled my eyes and smiled.

I have to admit,

That was cute.

But he cant know that. Good thing it was dark.

We cant have Potter thinking I like him right?

"Riiiiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhtttttttttt, sure James," I sighed.

Silence…

…

…

…

…

WAIT!

"Did you just call me James?"


End file.
